What should I know as the girlfriend of a Freemason?

Hi, I'm the girlfriend of a Freemason. I've done a lot of research on the topic and have been having a lot of trouble. Most of the things I find on the Internet seem fairly ridiculous and change with every website. I want to understand something that is so important to my boyfriend. He is now an officer and is getting increasingly involved.


I feel bad questioning him repeatedly on this topic. I know it makes him a little uncomfortable because he's concerned that he'll explain things incorrectly. I also feel like I don't even know what questions to ask, half of the time.

As a girlfriend, what should I know? How should I be supportive? How much can I ask/ where should my limits lie?

Thanks!

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Dec 28, 2014
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Valid Questions
by: Thane

Thank you for your concern - and for your open mind on the subject.

I would suggest you might want to find a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Freemasonry. It's pretty good at explaining the background and answering common questions. There are some good websites out there; this is one. Another is run by the Grand Lodge of Massachusetts and another by the Grand Lodge of British Columbia.

As a long-time Mason, I would assure you that there are in reality very few real secrets in Masonry. They mainly relate to ways of proving oneself a Mason. A Mason is assured of a warm welcome almost anywhere in the world; some unscrupulous people would like to take advantage of that, so a bit of secrecy is indeed involved

Freemasonry as we know it now dates from the early 1700s and much of its ceremony retains the flavor and wording of those times. While the precise history is lost, here's the theory that makes the most sense, to me at least. For a number of reasons, the old medieval stonemason lodges (think of them as medieval guilds) were beginning to fade and began to allow, shall we say, honourary members to join. In return for their support, new members got admittance to an exclusive group. Somewhere along the line, emphasis shifted from working in stone to a philosophy of moral self-improvement, using the tools of stoneworking as symbols. (For instance, the level became a symbol to those so taught that Masons should remember that all men are equal under God and should be treated honorably.)

Freemasonry puts a great emphasis on symbolism and allegory, all aimed at guiding and supporting a man in his search to make himself a better man. A Mason is taught that his first duty must always be to God. After that are those duties he owes his nation, his neighbors and his family; Freemasonry should never be allowed to interfere with any of those.

Despite the claims of those getting rich by peddling fearful nonsense, nothing in Masonry will require your boyfriend to ignore or turn from his religious views, his allegiance to his nation or his love for you. There is nothing dishonorable in any of it.

As to how to support him, I would suggest that 'acceptance' is the best way of expressing it. Accept that he has found something he hopes will improve him, something that allows him to make friends with other men who have similar desires.

If I may, miss, I would say that you are already doing a great job. That you care for him and are trying to better understand him speaks well for you. He's a lucky man.

Nov 23, 2015
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My Boyfriend is a Mason
by: Anonymous

Hi Writer. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about asking your boyfriend questions. Most likely, he will appreciate you inquiring. It may also help if you attend public events with him, if you don't already.


Dec 29, 2015
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:)
by: Chris

I'm always with him.

May 28, 2016
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A Cruel Abusive Mason On A Dating Site.
by: Anonymous

Great for the lucky couple I just read about.

This one recent young 33rd Degree and a new Templar Chivalry Order. A devoted Episcopalian. Really?
His personal inner issues seemed unknown.
Making a good man better? This one was not.
A misogynistic narcissist, player and attacks others who disagree with his views. Emulates James Bond.
He seduced me with romantic passionate seduction and we found commonality at first on the phone and by text.I found him brilliant and educated and shared eclectic cultural interests. I hoped we would meet in person, but he became alarmed and panicked that he break it off when his profile was still up and friended me on facebook and I noticed him following other attractive women, some dating and married . He cussed me out. I called him out.
Later, he strung me along and duped me. I was clueless on his status. He taunted me with my paranoia and told me to date a hippie and called me a "Cling-On". So every happy couple around me are cling-ons? I was deeply hurt after I called it off. I would have preferred to be told that there is someone else out there for me.
A Skype session was disturbing because of his interest in Adolf Hitler and a wall patrolled by Gestapo to keep out illegal immigrants.
He admitted a fault for his arrogance and just to slander him because some thought he is racist and a Fascist.
He was also an only child and a loner. He had no other social bonding at work.
I find good character attractive. Any man of valor in an organization such as this.
I found this all shocking.




Jun 05, 2016
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Sorry to hear that
by: Tharn

I truly am.

Not to defend the individual - I hope we hear his side of it, for that too is worth our attention.

That said, every body has its own code of conduct and in every case, people slip through. Lawyers embezzle money, doctors are sexual predators and social workers are abusive. All of them? Of course not, but some are.

We do attempt to make good men better. Like every effort, we have our failures. It would be as wrong to generalize from the failures in Masonry as it would be WRT any other group.

Again, my sympathies.

Jun 07, 2016
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A "young" 33rd Degree Mason?
by: John

The guy you describe sounds like a lot of things, but he doesn't sound like a 33rd degree Scottish Rite Mason. You say he was a "young 33rd Degree". I have known and seen a lot of 33rd's in my time, but I've never seen a young one. In my experience seeing a young 33rd would be like seeing a unicorn. There are years of service requirements before a Mason can even be considered for the 33rd Degree honors, and even then it happens for very few. So, considering all that you learned about this narcissistic, James Bond wannabe, player, why is it that you believe he was being honest when he said he was a Freemason?

Just wondering...

Jun 11, 2016
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RE: Young Online Mason
by: Anonymous

Thank you.

He is 27 years old and a Masonic brother 2 years.
I may be still new to the degrees and levels.

I also know of the York Rite if perhaps he is part of it. I found that there is more than one ritual as they progress?
His picture is still up on that dating site.

I looked at a medal of some sort on his lapel.
His few profile photos show him with a hand over his heart. He lives out of state.

Thank you kindly for responding.. It sounded a little crazy.

There is also a Masonic social meetup and salon for nonmembers including women.

I live in Los Angeles.


Jun 11, 2016
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More from what I saw online of him
by: Anonymous

I saw several photos from inside a lodge of him on facebook.

A few were of him wearing the lambskin apron. Some were congratulatory posts of initiation completion.
Several group photos.

There were other pictures of lodges.

Jun 14, 2016
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Too bad
by: Tharn

Well, based solely on your statements, it seems to me that his behaviour might be considered by some as being antiMasonic. You might put the facts together, along with some screenshots from the site, and forward them to his lodge. If you are not sure of which one he belongs to, try the grand lodge for his state.

Without attempting to minimize your concerns or challenge your statements and while we do take such things seriously, there are always two sides to every story and he would be given a chance to give his as well.

Alternatively, most such social sites have a complaint process.

Jun 15, 2016
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Behaviour,,Very Mean and Threatening to Me Today.
by: Anonymous

He is blocked from Facebook by me and has sociopathic tendencies and fiercely protective of his bloated ego. I am forbidden to contact him since he accuses me of stalking.
I mostly see this as a notch of machismo swagger with delusional grandiosity, rather than compassion and altruism for others especially in appreciation and respect for all women. I am 3 decades his senior, of course some new worldly cougar trophy for him. I was an object.

This is in Murrieta Georgia. His side might twist things against me. No way to contact him.
Poor spoiled self indulgent immature rich kid, putting up appearances and showing off his goodies and prizes.

This is not noble behavior at all. I appreciate your response and kind support.
"Just a young buck who can take what he can get".,his
dating headline.

Jun 18, 2016
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Thanks for Feedback
by: Anonymous

Thank you all for your input.
Some have a long way to go in this process.
Something to grow into.

Aug 17, 2016
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My boyfriend says he is a Masin, is he telling me the truth??
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend is Russian and told me he's a Mason. He has a ring, but said his brother gave it to him who is in prison. He's very secretive. He has been abusive on 4 occasions now. The last time it happened, he told me he was reported to the lodge because of his treatment towards me and that he was held and beat with a belt or something similar. I never saw any evidence of any beating when I saw him days later. After the most recent altercation, he said he was probably going to be reported again and wasn't sure of his "punishment" for having hurt me again.
I've tried to get answers, but this isn't something Google has been very helpful with.
I need answers. I'm afraid to break up with him because of certain things he's told me.

Aug 18, 2016
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False Mason
by: John

No, he is not telling you the truth. We do not hand out beatings to our members when they misbehave, and I'd say being physically abusive toward a woman, or anyone, would certainly qualify as bad behavior. I don't know what kind of game this guy is playing but the bottom line is this: If he is abusive, get out.

Aug 18, 2016
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Re: False Mason
by: Anonymous

Thank you John!
I told him I wasn't going to live like this anymore. He is very manipulative and intimidating, but I have a plan!

Aug 20, 2016
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What John Said
by: Thane

I am appalled by what you describe. Speaking as a long-time Mason, I find it hard to believe that the man you describe is a Mason. God be with you, Miss.

Mar 27, 2017
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New to this
by: Angel

Hi. Ive been with my bf for a year now he lives in ky i live in nj. We got engaged this past month and couldn't be happier. He is a 33rd. He is my best friend, my teacher,and has helped me understand most of what he will be doing. I know we are spending less time with each other but im here to watch him grow and succeed as he does me. Whats important to me is his loyalty, respect,and faithfulness which he shows me all. He treats me like a queen. He is deathly afraid to loose me because of our time being less spent but i want to know how much more or what i can do to be more involved and secure him with knowing im here to stay through his process. Also, what can i do to be more involved with this process.thanks

Apr 02, 2017
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Comgratulations
by: Thane

It sounds like you two have a great future ahead of you. May I ask how old you and your bf are?

Apr 02, 2017
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New to this
by: Angel

I am 43 and he is 40 😁

Apr 02, 2017
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Felicitations
by: Thane

Dear Angel,

Not knowing either of you, I cannot talk to personalities. I will say that I do believe that we, as individuals, are strengthened and uplifted by a successful bonding with that special person. It's one of those things where the whole is very much more than the sum of its parts. Personally, I've always figured that a strong relationship is one in which both partners feel they're getting the better part of the deal. It sounds like you two are pretty well down that road now.

So far as supporting him, it sounds like you're already doing a pretty good job. As regards participation, well, that would much depend on each of you. Joining the Craft is not an option for you, obviously, but there are Masonic appendent bodies which welcome women, eg,the Order of the Eastern Star.

As with any long-distance relationship, patience and love will do wonders.

God bless you and good luck.

May 13, 2017
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My boyfriend is a master Mason.
by: Brittany

Hello,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a little over 5 months. Before we started dating, he mentioned going to "Mason meetings". I wasn't sure what that meant so I asked around to friends and family and did some research. I was appalled by what I had found. I had mentioned to him that it made me uncomfortable. Of course he apologized and we didn't really speak anymore of it. Since we've been dating, he's been absolutely wonderful. He makes me a better person, respects me, loves me, treats me well. Recently, he moved in with me. As I was unpacking his things I found this little black book with what looked like jibberish in it and a "Masonic bible". I asked him about those things and he said it was his Mason stuff and that it was written in such a way so that people cannot interpret it. Curiousity got the best of me and I researched the text which I was able to translate on the internet. There's rituals and things that he keeps around to keep his mind fresh I assume. He doesn't exactly tell me much of anything about it, other than it's none of my business and he doesn't like me researching or asking anyone about it, although I'm not mentioning his name as I do so. He's a very private person to begin with. It took a while for him to start opening up to me. I am not sure what I should expect or if I should be worried? I love him dearly and want him to be happy and proud of who he is, but at the same time I'm uneasy because he gets very upset with me when I ask about the masonry. I guess I'm just wondering how I can be supportive with this and get my mind at ease. Some websites exclaim is devil worshipping practice, strange rituals, blood oaths, etc. Other websites exclaim how good it is, the charities, etc. I guess I just want the best understanding I can get. As he is very private and can't speak about it (I think mostly he fears giving too much information), he doesn't give me much to go off of nor does he make it easy for me to feel comfortable. This is the only time we've had a real strain in our relationship since we've been together. We vowed complete honestly and loyalty within our relationship. How does that work when he's a part of an organization that takes and oath to secrecy? I love him so dearly and as I said before, he is darn near perfect. I guess I just need to be enlightened.

Thank you for your time!! I really appreciate it!
-Brittany

May 17, 2017
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Good questions
by: Lant

Dear Ms Brittany,

Thanks for asking them.

First off, let's look at the oft-repeated negative claims.

Freemasons do not worship the devil or have consort with demons. We do require our members to believe in a supreme being, but accept good men of all faiths. The Satanism claims generally started with a French pornographer and fraudster named Leo Taxil 130 years ago, but that's a book unto itself. (You can research it if you want - no secrets there.)

We do not have our own 'special god' nor do we meld everybody's religion together. Rather, to reduce any possible conflict, we refer to the Deity (by whatever name each of us considers Him) by a common term, the 'Great Architect of the Universe', thus allowing men of all faiths to say some simple prayers together. We encourage each member to continue worshiping in his own faith as he did before he became a Mason.

Rituals – every group has rituals. School starts in many places with the singing of the national anthem and the pledge of allegiance. Consider the ritual around the President's state of the union address – it's a lot more than one person just reading a speech. There's ritual at the changing of the guard in London, England, in Boy Scouts and so forth. Much of Masonry's lessons come through repetition during our ceremonies – ritual, if you like.

Blood oaths. Yep, pretty icky. Freemasonry is almost certainly descended from highly skilled medieval stone-workers. Horrific punishments were sadly common at that time. The punishments, along with many positive things, form part of our tradition, but they are merely symbolic now. The worst penalty the Craft can actually impose is expulsion.

(Generally not emphasized by Masonry's critics is the fact that the oaths also specifically obligate a Mason to be law-abiding, charitable and strive for self-improvement to be of more use to his fellow human beings.)

Secrecy. I and my wife are honest with each other. We have what I think is a very, very good relationship. Do I tell her absolutely everything? Of course not. She is a gentle woman; I have experiences from my time in the Army which I would never risk traumatizing her with. I have legal obligations due to my service as well, things I am not allowed to reveal. She was badly injured in an accident last year and I had private conversations with her (adult) children about her condition. (Doing much better now, thanks.) She in turn is a professional, a counsellor, and has many job-related secrets I would not dream of being told. Cops, lawyers, doctors, priests – many professions carry a requirement for some level of secrecy. Almost any job does, come to think of it.

But, I hear you say, those are jobs and Freemasonry isn't, so it's different? OK, let's say you were a Girl Scout leader and a girl came to you with a very personal question, looking for advice. I daresay you would not repeat it to your boyfriend. Or let's say a neighbour tells you something in confidence about her marriage. There are innumerable situations like that.

What matters, I think, is that partners in a relationship keep no secrets from each other which could impact on the relationship – things like health, money, sex, family.

There are in fact no real, massive secrets in the Craft, nothing which would cause a disaster if they were revealed. Indeed, over the years, just about everything *has* been revealed by some former members, (No, they weren't murdered, either. We just don't talk to them anymore, given that they have broken their word.) What matters to a Mason is that *he* will not reveal them.

So, the million dollar questions – how can you be sure, how can you trust him?

Let me answer those by asking you one in turn. Take all of those charges and rumors and whispers, all the horrible things said about Freemasonry. Now take a good look at your boyfriend. You say you love him dearly, are proud of him, that he makes you a better person, treats you very well and so forth. He's "darned near perfect." Brittany, compare his personality to those claims, those things you fear. Can you see him as a devil-worshiper? a murderer? a member of a ruthless, world-dominating conspiracy?

Go with your gut. Here's one place where that magical, powerful female intuition can come into play. When you look at your man, how can you reconcile the good, loving individual you have come to know and love with all that malicious nonsense? Hopefully, you can't. If he *were* such, I doubt you two would be living with each other.

Freemasonry is a men's group designed, at its heart, to help men with moral improvement. It's easier when you are surrounded by other men on the same path. Do we always succeed? Of course not, for we are all of us human. Along the way, it gives a man a chance to spend some social time with some decent fellows.

Most lodges have family events. When you get to meet more of his fellow-Masons and their wives and girlfriends, I think it will become a bit easier for you.

Meanwhile, I again thank you for a good question and hope that this helps. Feel free to ask more.

God bless.

Jun 15, 2017
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Second Family
by: Anonymous

My hubby is a Master Mason. His lodge holds pancake breakfast email every first Saturday of the month. When I first met him was at a charity fundraiser for the Special Olympics of Ohio. He was so comfortable around children with down syndrome & other mentally handicapso.


He invited me to breakfast at his lodge. Me being Catholic was worried about what people would think of me & my family. I was surprised to see several people I knew: My mail man, janitor from my high school & few men from my congregation. Everyone was polite & friendly towards me. I started to ask questions they told me anything I want to know is in a book they gave me " Idots Guide to Free Masonry of Ohio"

My husband hubby is an a active member in blue lodge and the Shriners. He will be active in Scottish or York Rite when he finally comes a past worshipful master.

I can join him at events at the Shriners, he always introduces me as His Lady to everyone as polite protocol.

When he deployed overseas. If I need any help I would call one of his Lodge brothers and they'd come over to help.

There's a lot of mysticism behind Freemasonry which I find appealing and interesting. What goes on in lodge stays in Lodge he jokes.

Jun 18, 2017
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Dear Ms Anon
by: Lant

Thanks. Sounds like you two are doing well.

Jul 02, 2017
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Dark World NEW
by: Anonymous

Hi. i have been talking to a guy on the internet for 2.5 years now, he's an actor by profession. Now when almost 10 months passed, i thought that it was time for us to reveal ourselves, i did come in front of him, but he didnt come in front of me, i got curious and began to serach as to what possibly could be wrong, at last i concluded that he might be a part of something known as "Dark world" sorry i dont mean to offend anyone with the use of such words. I asked him if this was the case, he agreed, so cutting it short, he is not allowed to see me or talk to me, whenever i bring this up he says they will punish me and so he is really scared of coming in front of me. He decided that he wants to leave what he is a part of, i helped him with that (how i helped is to be kept a secret, since i am not proud of what i had to do) but they did not let him go. . . now i dont know if he is a freemason or a part of a cult. . . but is that true? is that world so sad? i mean he doesnt even meet his family, he met them like twice in these 2.5 years and that too by performing some sort of sacrifices as a compensation. How can someone leave if he wants to? i would really appreciate some help.

Jul 06, 2017
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Eew NEW
by: Thane

Dear Anon,

I am really at a loss as to what to say. I can tell you that this sounds nothing like anything I have ever seen in near 40 years in Freemasonry.

There is no reason for a Mason not to make his membership known, there is no way we would ever hurt those associated with somebody who quit, there is nothing shameful in anything we do (private, yes; shameful, no) and Masons are certainly free to meet their families and so forth. Masons can quit at any time by merely writing a note. What you are describing just sounds bizarre.

To be frank, it sounds like he is either playing with your head or else is one sick puppy. You are of course free to set your own course, but if you want my advice, move on – now. Life's too short to be spent being played by fools or freaks.

I sincerely hope things get better for you.

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