What happens to your marriage when you can't understand your husband anymore?

by Zoe
(United kingdom )

My husband is joining freemasons, I'm full of doubt, so worried about our future, how am I going to live with someone who is full of secrets? He is going to have so many new experiences that will make him a different person, it is his right to choose any path for his life but how about his commitments to me? Are we supposed to choose to do whatever we want when we are married? How am gonna love him when he is a different person, full of secrets? How is he going to love me again when we belong to different worlds? What if he is asked to do something that in my opinion is wrong? Or he find it wrong and wants to go back? What if he is in danger? I'm already scared of him, I already think I've never known him, I am worried, sleepless and so sad that I cannot even pretend to be supportive, I feel I'm losing him, I've known him as the most honest person in my life who would share anything with me, would he be able to do that again? Of course not.he is excited about this and I and in such state that can't even choose whether I am going to be supportive or leave him,can't look in his eyes cause I feel betrayed, I feel he is detached and will be more

I started thinking of how I'm going to leave him and it's only been one meeting with them, I don't think our marriage will survive this

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Feb 04, 2020
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Really?
by: Bob

"My husband is joining freemasons,"

In every Masonic jurisdiction I know, part of the process for joining is an interview in the applicant’s home, with his wife present, able to participate and ask questions. What did you say then?


"How am I going to live with someone who is full of secrets?"

The same way you do now, because he’s not going to be ‘full of secrets’. He’s just going to have a very few things he Is supposed to keep to himself.

In any case, let’s not get overly dramatic here, Zoe. Consider soldiers, lawyers, doctors, police officers, social workers, ministers, bankers - all professions whose members are required (by law in some cases) to keep some things secret. How do all their wives and husbands live with them? Quite successfully, in most cases.



"He is going to have so many new experiences that will make him a different person."

Again, let’s not go over the top here, Zoe. He’s not going to undergo some dramatic, sci-fi transformation. He’s going to be precisely the same person he was before he joined.

And he’s going to be exposed to a system of morality, offering a chance to become a better person. Is that bad?



"How is he going to love me again when we belong to different worlds?"

Sorry, but that’s just a shade melodramatic, don’t you think? You’re both going to be in precisely the same world you started out in.



"What if he is asked to do something that in my opinion is wrong?"

Like what? Murder somebody? Rob a bank? Sacrifice children to an idol? Please, don’t be silly.

In any case, if he *was* asked (which *won’t* happen), he could just say No.

Easy.



"Or he find it wrong and wants to go back?"

Then he quits. Easy. Simple. No penalties.



"What if he is in danger?"

Danger? From what? That’s just nonsensical.



I’m not going any further here. To be perfectly candid, there are two ways I can read your questions.

The first is that this is all a setup, an attempt to simply make the Craft look bad. We get such claptrap here on a depressingly regular basis, so pardon me if I seem cynical.

Let’s pass that by and go to to the second possibility, which is that your name really is Zoe and that these are all real concerns.

If that is the case, Zoe, then honestly and truly, somebody has been filling your head with rubbish rumours and baseless claims about Freemasonry and you have allowed yourself to go off on a tizzy over nothing. You.

Were I the Master of your husband’s lodge and you asked for my advice, I would advise you to sit down with your husband and get all this out into the open. Today. Family is more important.

Were I the Master of your husband’s lodge, I would advise your husband not to proceed further with Freemasonry, because his wife has some serious concerns and family comes first. (I would then have some serious pokey-chest time with the Masons on his screening committee to find out why they recommended his application when his wife was so unhappy about it, but that’s an internal matter.)

Were I the Master of your husband’s lodge, I would seriously and strongly advise both you and your husband to seek couples counselling, because it would seem from what you have said that your relationship really needs some help, Masonry or not.

May 20, 2020
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What happens to your marriage?
by: Rick Hidde

I couldn't add anything to your statement. Only to say, that go with your husband to the dinner before the lodge meeting. Meeting the other wives of the other Masons he'll be with. I know my wife had some reservations after I joined my Lodge, but after she started coming to the dinners and met the wives & girlfriends, her concerns went away.

May 21, 2020
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Good advice! NEW
by: Thane

Well said.

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