Do the Masons have to come to my home?

by Anonymous
(Anonymous )

My husband wants to join and he says they have to come to my home to meet me and my children. We are not allowed to go and judge your meetings and know what is going on you like your privacy. I don't understand why they have to come to my private home. Me and my children will not be a part of anything my husband is part of many organizations none of which want to come to my home I know they want to see if I'm ok with it but really I don't know anybody who wants any kind of secrecy in there marriage. I will most likely suck it up but it makes it worse that they want to come here can I sign a waiver and be done?

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Jun 07, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		Come to my home
by: Fred

Thank you for your question,
If I understand correctly, you husband has petitioned a Masonic lodge for membership, and he has told you that some masons will be visiting your home. He may have not understood completely what was what, so let me try to explain. Freemasons are part of a fraternity, we are very proud to be members, and in most jurisdictions, do not, and can not recruit members. Men must come to Freemasonry, and ask to join. Before accepting a partition, or application, a potential candidate is interviewed by a committee of master masons, who's task it is to try and determine if the potential candidate is a good "fit" for the lodge. A series of questions are asked to determine if he fits the tenants of the organization. To become a mason a man MUST be of lawful age, believe in a Supreme being, although we are in no way a religion, and he must be of good moral character. A background check is normally run as well. The reason for the visit to your home, is not so much for the fraternity, but for you. We want you to meet members of the fraternity that your husband is thinking of joining. Most candidates are interviewed with their wife in the room, and she is included in some of the discussion. You can ask questions if you feel that the masons who have come to see your husband haven't explained things fully. The goal of Masonic lodges is to make good men better. The interviews that are conducted are supposed to be conducted in a business like manner, and with some exceptions, are conducted by the committee in suit and tie. It is not a party, it's not an invasion of your privacy, it's the way that most lodges do business. We want you to feel comfortable and confident that your husband is petitioning a group that is serious about what they do. I know that other master masons will be responding to your post, so I defer to them to expound further,

I hope this helps

Fred :.
Jun 08, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		Understandable
by: Lant

I find your concerns quite understandable. A mysterious bunch wants to use your house to recruit your husband into something which will bring secrets between you and he. It's only natural to be concerned,

I think Fred has done a good job explaining things and I agree with what he has said, but permit me to add a couple of things from my point of view.

First, in a way, the visit is a complement to you and is very much for your benefit. It gives you a chance to meet the Masons he has been talking to, to reassure yourself that they are not some weird cultists, but in fact just normal people. It gives you a chance to satisfy your very normal curiosity and allay very understandable concerns. Feel free to ask them any questions you wish,

Or you could simply say hello and then leave them to talk with your husband privately. That's your call and it's cool either way.

Next, there is a major (if generally unstated) thing about the meeting, It is a critical point to us that Freemasonry should not interfere with a man's duties to God, his community or his family. An applicant's wife has, in effect, an informal veto. Rather than us taking his word that you're OK with his joining, you get your own chance. All you need do is to speak up and state your opposition. It would be most surprising for him to be accepted if you did.

So, really, the meeting is not intended to intrude, but rather to include you in the process.

You seemed concerned about your husband potentially keeping secrets. Realistically, however, there are very few marriages in which there are *not* a few secrets. Every job brings with it the requirement to respect the secrets of the business and some have formal, legal penalties and contracts about that. You as a Girl Scout leader might be approached for advice by a young woman with a highly personal problem; I doubt you would violate that confidence with your husband. Many couples each have some personal money, a monthly 'allowance' so to speak, and how they each spend each dime is not discussed. Are marriages weakened by such secrets? Of course not - what is important is that husband and wife keep no secrets about things which are important to the relationship - sex, health, feelings, family, major money and so forth.

There are, in truth, very few real secrets in Freemasonry and none which could have a negative impact on your relationship. Most are simply ways for a Mason to prove his membership to another.

Does this answer your questions?

God bless.

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