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Masonic News & Views -- Surrogate Seahorse Dad
June 21, 2010
The Lady BG and I attended our quasi-annual neighborhood block party this afternoon. It's just a small informal gathering that generally happens when someone new moves into the neighborhood. The announcement goes out and everyone brings something to contribute to the feast. This time, by some happy coincidence, almost everyone brought watermelon. So, naturally a watermelon eating contest ensued.
After the contest I was so stuffed I could hardly move and I plopped down onto a lawnge chair to rest from all that exertion. I felt someone standing over me and opened my eyes to see the Lady BG's smiling face. I thought she had come to sit at the feet of the conquering hero, but instead she told me I had watermelon juice from head to toe and asked if I wanted some help cleaning it off. Naturally, I did but too late saw the water hose. It was cold at first, but then it felt pretty good so I laid back and enjoyed it. Unfortunately, my now wet t-shirt accentuated my newly swollen belly and the little blond haired girl from next door took notice.
"Wow!" she said. "Why's your tummy so big?"
I suppose I could have explained about the watermelon and the clingy t-shirt and the unflattering posture of a lawnge chair, but instead I said, "Because I'm a surrogate seahorse dad."
"Huh?" she said. So, I told her again.
She just stared at me so I explained, "The seahorse dad carries the eggs of the seahorse mom in his belly until they hatch, and then he pukes them up. Sometimes there aren't enough seahorse dads to carry all the eggs so they use surrogate seahorse dads like me."
She was incredulous but she couldn't help herself. "How'd they get in there?"
"Well, first the seahorse mom puts them into the seahorse dad's belly where he fertilizes them, and then a doctor very carefully squeezes them out and puts them into my belly where I carry them until they hatch." I reached down and gently caressed my belly and her eyes grew wide.
"How many are in there?" she asked.
"Well," I said, "seahorse dads are very small and they can carry about a thousand eggs, so there's probably about a million of them."
Her eyes were fixed on my belly. Breathlessly she asked, "When will they hatch?"
"Oh, any time now. When they start to hatch my belly will...Ohh! It will start to tickle just like that!"
The little blond haired girl stepped back; her jaw dropped and her eyes grew even wider.
I laid back in the chair; pooched out my belly as far as I could; then drew it in as far as I could; then out; then in; and, I started giggling like crazy. "Go get a bucket and fill it with water," I told her. "I have to puke them up."
I'm pretty sure that's what did it. She was still screaming when she disappeared around back of the house. I might not be invited to next year's party.
Happy Father's Day Dad.
Now, on with the news........................
Monday, June 21, 2010: Gate of the Temple Lodge No. 422 will meet for work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry. Four duly elected candidates are expected to be initiated this evening. Lodge will be duly Opened at 6:00 PM and there will be nourishment following the work.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010: RWB Randy Jones, Grand Lecturer of Missouri Masons, will conduct a School of Ritual Instruction at Lamar Lodge No. 292 in Lamar, MO. Dinner will be ready at 6:30 and instruction will begin at 7:30 PM. Lamar Lodge is located at 200 E 11th Street in Lamar, MO and can be found on the Missouri Masonic Lodge Map.
Saturday, June 26, 2010: The Oklahoma Masonic Indian Degree Team will confer an outdoor 3rd Degree at Fohn Charolais Farm, Cassville, MO. The farm is located on Hwy 76 about 3/4 miles west of Hwy 37. Lodge will open at 10:00 AM. Coffee and donuts before Lodge. Lunch (BBQ) will be served for a donation. If you haven't seen the Oklahoma Indians confer a Degree come and join us. Tiler will check all dues cards.
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