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Masonic News & Views -- Red Ant Buffet
August 22, 2010
Greetings Brother,

God's a funny guy. On the news the other day they were talking about what a problem everyone was having with ants invading their home this summer. I remember thinking, "That's funny; we haven't had any such problem."

An hour later, as I pass through the kitchen I glance down and there's a couple of ants crawling across the countertop. I remember thinking, "That's kind of funny."

Hoping they were just a couple of scouts I dispatched them before they could return and report. To be sure, though, I kept an eye on the countertops and sure enough each time I checked there were a few more ants. I did my best to keep ahead of them but apparently my kitchen had become the hottest new destination in the ant kingdom. Finally, I realized I needed to update my arsenal and I drove into town to buy an armada of ant control products.

After reading all the directions, cautions, and first-aid information I decided to go with the Ant Jemima Control System. This consists of placing drops of what looks like maple syrup on a small cardboard rectangle in the area where you've seen ants. They come, eat the syrup, take some home with them, and then don't come back. I generally don't like poisons but this situation was quickly becoming not so funny any more.

I noticed a difference right away. There were a lot more ants. I wanted to give the system a chance so I continued to put out more cardboard rectangles, and more and more syrup. After a couple of days things began to get strange.

I awoke yesterday morning and padded into the kitchen to check on the ants. The cardboard rectangles had been licked clean, but instead of foraging for more food the ants were just sitting around the cardboard dining tables and waiting for more syrup. Not sure what else to do at this point I continued to add drops of syrup and the ants continued to come and go.

The next morning, I could hardly believe my eyes. There was a tiny velvet rope stretched across the ant trail; two ants stood at the rope collecting admission fees and a long line of ants waited impatiently on the other side. Dazed but completely curious I dropped syrup on one of the tiny cardboard tables, and then watched in amazement as one of the ants pulled the rope aside and forty or so ants were allowed to pass through.

At first I was simply dumbstruck. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but then it occurred to me that these little red devils were getting rich and I was footing the bill for the syrup. I wasn't about to let that stand so I reached for the can of Drop Dead Bug Spray. I was just about to pull the trigger when a tiny glimmer caught my eye.

I rummaged through the drawers and finally found a magnifying glass. Even so, they were almost invisible but there at the feet of one of the maitre d' ants were two tiny piles of itty bitty gold nuggets. As each pair of ants paid the admission fee a nugget was dropped on each pile; one for them and one for me.

It's not a lot, but it's more than enough to cover the cost of syrup. And who knows, we may decide to add music and candlelight.

Fraternally yours,

Tim Couch


Now, on with the news........................

Monday, August 23, 2010: Masonic Funeral Services will be held for MWB Walter L. "Bud" Walker, Past Grand Master of Missouri Masons, at 7:00 PM at The Clark Funeral Home, 312 S. Wood St., Neosho,MO.

Monday, August 23, 2010: Gate of the Temple Lodge No. 422 will meet in Special Communication for work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry. Lodge will be duly Opened at 6:00 PM and there will be nourishment following the work.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010: Henderson Lodge No. 477 will meet in Special Communication for work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry. One duly elected candidate will be presented for the Degree of Entered Apprentice.
The Brethren will also be examined for the Grand Lodge Silver Ritual Award on this evening. Dinner at 6:30 followed by the meeting.

Friday, August 27, 2010: Lamar Lodge No. 292 will sponsor "Your Youth Parade" in Lamar, MO at 5:00 PM. MWB Larry C. Reynolds, Grand Master of Missouri Masons, is scheduled to lead the parade.

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