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Masonic News & Views -- My greatest fear
December 21, 2010
Greetings Brother,

Today has been an interesting day here at the CowChows. It all began a little over nineteen years ago when the Lady BG turned to me and asked, "What do you fear most in life?"

I considered my answer carefully and finally told her that the thing I feared most was being bored. And, nineteen years ago today she made it her life's mission to see that I never am. She has done an admiral job over the years, but today she outdid herself.

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I naturally volunteered to accompany her when she said she was going grocery shopping. Shopping for groceries may not sound romantic or exciting, but then the Lady BG does things a little different.

We were strolling down the cereal isle of Price Cutter. She, pushing the cart and I, in the proper husband position of two steps behind and to the right. She was diligently studying her grocery list while I took note of all the pretty colors and bright lights. She looked up at me with a strangely puzzled expression and then said, "Watch my purse for a minute. I'll be right back."

She disappeared around the corner and I dutifully wrapped the strap of her purse around my wrist and locked my grip to the cart handle to ensure that no crazy purse snatcher would get away with her purse without first breaking my arm, and thus proving my selfless devotion to her. As I continued down the aisle I heard myself saying things like, "A is for Apple, J is for Jacks," and "I'm coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!."

I had just finished saluting Cap'n Crunch when I heard my sweetheart's voice at the far end of the aisle, "There he is! He's got my purse!"

I looked up and before I could say, "What the...." there was a security guard at her side. Instinctively, I turned and at the other end of the aisle stood a burly butcher who was looking at me like I was a fatty brisket. When I turned back the security guard was coming at me like a steamroller and there was nowhere to go.

"Excuse me sir, is that your purse?"

"Uh, no. But.."

"Come with me, sir. We don't want any trouble."

"Honey, what are you doing?"

"Sir, come this way."

The security guard and the butcher hustled me to the back of the store and into a small dimly lit and stale smelling room. I tried to argue all the way but they wouldn't hear a word. Finally, as they deposited me into the room I had had enough. I turned on them and said, "Now, wait just a minute! That is my wife's purse, and that," I said pointing to the Lady BG who was standing at the open door, "is my wife!"

The security guard turned to her and asked, "Ma'am is this your purse?"

"Yes, it is."

"Ma'am, is this your husband?"

"Does he look like someone I would be married to," she asked with a tone of disdain I didn't know she could reach.

"Darling," I said through clenched teeth, "why are you doing this?"

The security guard very forcefully instructed me to sit down, and then sent the butcher to fetch the store manager. After about ten minutes he tried to call the manager on his radio, but got no response. Frustrated, he turned to me and said, "You stay right there. Don't even think about moving out of that chair. The police are already on their way." And then, he vanished out the doorway.

I was stunned. I couldn't think what was going on or why this was happening. I was sitting there trying to make some sense out of all this when the Lady BG stuck her head in the door. "Pssst. Let's get out of here."

I leaped from the chair and demanded, "Why are you doing this? What is going on with you? Why would you want to send me to jail?"

"You want to fight or you want to be free? The back door's this way." I followed and as we stepped out into the bright winter sunshine she flashed me that million watt smile and said, "Ya bored yet?"

Fraternally yours,

Tim Couch


Now, on with the news........................

Wednesday, December 22, 2010: Gate of the Temple Lodge No. 422 will meet in Special Communication for work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry. Several candidates will be presented for the degree of Entered Apprentice. Lodge will be duly Opened at 6:00 PM. There will be nourishment following the work.

Thursday, December 23, 2010: Strafford Lodge No. 608 will have work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry in conjunction with their Stated Meeting. One duly elected candidate will be presented for the degree of Entered Apprentice. Dinner at 6:00 and Lodge will be duly Opened at 7:00 PM.

Saturday, December 25, 2010: Republic Lodge No. 570 will host a Christmas Party at the lodge building located at 141-1/2 North Main in Republic, MO. The festivities will commence at 5:00 PM.

There's always lots of Masonry going on in Missouri. See the links below to keep up with the latest or to submit information for your upcoming meeting.

For more news of upcoming events and special communications visit the Upcoming Masonic Events page on Masonsmart.com

For a calendar of Stated meetings for many of the Lodges and Masonic bodies visit the Masonic Calendar page on Masonsmart.com

For help locating a lodge building visit the Missouri Masonic Lodge Map page on Masonsmart.com

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