Please forgive me if my grammar is a little off today, or my spelling isn't quite up to snuff. I have a bit of a headache and something in my eye. In fact, the room is rotating slowly around me and I'm not entirely sure this story will make any sense. It all began shortly before lunch when I heard the melodious voice of the Lady BG float down from above, "Honey, I need you."

Let me preface this by saying, I am not an electrician. To me, electricity is a mysterious and mischievous force snaking through the walls of my house, waiting for a careless opportunity. There are very few forces on this Earth that can motivate me to face a bare copper wire. One is the Lady BG and the other is my innate frugality. In other words, I can't say no to my woman and I'm too cheap to hire a pro if I can do it myself.

It wasn't a big project or anything like that. It was basically, "This ceiling fan would look better where that ceiling fan is, and vice versa." I couldn't argue with that. After eleven years some things just become clear.

And so, a little while later I had the first fan hung where the second fan had been. I tightened the final wire-nut and climbed down off the ladder to test my work. I flipped the fan switch, and nothing happened; I flipped the light switch, and got the same result. I flipped the switches several times to prime them, but still nothing. Finally, I discovered the switch on the fan housing was off. I switched it on and tried again. This time, the light switch turned the fan on and vice versa. So, back up the ladder I went.

After deducing which wires I had mismatched I removed the wire-nuts and began sorting things out. The problem with having multiple switches to one destination is that placing a switch in the down position doesn't necessarily mean it's off. It wasn't the kind of shock that knocks you off the ladder or causes involuntary curse hurling. All cursing at this point was entirely voluntary. It was just a solid, "get your attention" kind of shock. The kind that makes the tips of your fingers tingle all the way up to your shoulder. But, a few minutes later I recovered and after assuring the Lady BG that I was okay I once more ascended the ladder and finished part one of the project.

Now, on to part two. You remember the switch on the fan housing that was turned off on fan one? Well, it turns out that the switch on the wall was actually turned on. I hung the second fan and grabbed the wires. This was more of a musical shock. I can't say much for the lyrics but it sure made me dance.

The Lady BG, naturally enough, was lovingly concerned. She scolded; she fretted; she insisted that I sit down and rest for a while, but eventually I convinced her that I was fine and started back toward the ladder. "Okay," she resigned, "but remember what they say about things coming in three's. You get shocked again and one of us will be going to see a Doctor."

"Fine," I said, and went back to work.

I had the hot wire in my hand and was trying to corral it and two other wires into a wire-nut, when the Lady BG came up behind me, poked me in the leg, and said, "Bzzzzzt!" My head hit the ceiling. My butt hit the floor, and the last thing I remember was drywall dust floating down toward my face. And, that's how I got a headache and something in my eye.

I guess tomorrow I'll try my hand at spackling.

Fraternally yours,

Tim Couch

Now, on with the news........................

Monday, August 22, 2011: Branson Lodge No. 587 will meet in Special Communication for work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry. John Paul Tate will be presented for initiation into the mysteries of Freemasonry. Lodge will be duly Opened at 7:00 PM.

Monday, August 22, 2011: Gate of the Temple Lodge No. 422 will meet in Special Communication for work in the 1st degree of Freemasonry. Lodge will be duly Opened at 6:00 PM and there will be nourishment following the work.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011: Table Rock Lodge No. 680 will hold their annual Installation of Officers ceremony at 6:00 PM. Table Rock Lodge is located at 573 Kimberling Blvd in Kimberling City, MO.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011: Gate of the Temple Lodge No. 422 will meet in Special Communication for work in the 1st Degree of Freemasonry. Lodge will be duly Opened at 6:00 PM and there will be nourishment following the work. All Freemasons are invited in.

The Tri-County Scottish Rite Club cordially invites all Scottish Rite Masons and their family and friends to enjoy fun and fellowship at their regular meetings held on the third Thursday of each month. Tri-County meets at the Elks Lodge in Bolivar , MO. Social time at 6:30 PM; Dinner and meeting at 7:00. Yearly dues are just $5.
For directions and inquiries please call John Bennett at 417-328-8188 or Jackie Slagle at 417-376-2943.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011: Clintonville Lodge No. 482 will host a Regional School of Ritual Instruction to be conducted by RWB Tim Couch, Region 'F' Grand Lecturer. Refreshments will be ready at 6:30 PM and instruction will begin at 7:30 PM. All Master Masons are invited and encouraged to attend.
Clintonville Lodge building is located at 117 N Main Street in El Dorado Springs, MO, and can be found on the Missouri Masonic Lodge Map.

Saturday, August 27, 2011: Gate of the Temple Lodge No. 422 will host a Chance-to-Advance one day class at the Gate of the Temple Lodge building located at 1700 North Boonville in Springfield, MO. Breakfast at 6:30, Registration at 7:00 AM, Lodge will be duly Opened at 8:00 AM, and the day will wrap around 3:30 PM. All Master Masons are encouraged to attend.

Saturday, September 10, 2011: Charity Shoot for Kids sponsored by Solomon Lodge No. 271. Proceeds from this Sporting Clays Shoot will support McGregor and Bowerman Elementary Schools in Springfield, MO. The event will be held at Ozark Shooters Sports Complex in Branson, MO. Click here to open and print a registration form for this event. For more information contact Brother J.W. Gibbs at (417) 350-2700.

Sunday, September 11, 2011: Friend Lodge No. 352 will hold their annual installation of Officers ceremony. The ceremony will begin at 2:00 PM and there will be refreshments following.

Sunday, September 11, 2011: Bolivar Lodge No. 195 will hold their annual installation of Officers ceremony beginning at 3:00 PM.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011: It's once again time for the ever popular Abou Ben Adhem Shrine Corn Roast. It will be held at the usual place at Pat Jones River Park. Gates open at 4:00 PM. This event is free to ABA Nobles and there will be corn, BBQ and Camels Milk. This is a stag event for the members of Abou Ben Adhem and dues cards will be checked at the gate.

Saturday, September 24, 2011: The Valley of Joplin KCCH Club will host the annual Rite Care Memorial Golf Tournament to benefit Joplin Scottish Rite Care. The tournament will be held at Eagle Creek Golf Club in Joplin, MO. This will be a 4-Person Scramble with a shotgun start at 8:00 AM. Entry fee is $85 per player and includes:

• Greens fee
• Cart with GPS
• One Mulligan
• Post-Tourney lunch and awards ceremony
• A Goodie-Bag
• Additional Mulligans are available.

Saturday, October 1, 2011: Sparta Lodge No. 296 in Sparta, MO will host a Concealed Carry Firearms class. The classroom portion will begin at 8:30 AM, and then a trip to the shooting range after lunch. The class should be finished around 4:00 PM. Guns will be available or you may bring your own. You'll need about 100 rounds of ammunition, .22 long rifle if borrowing a gun. For more details call 417-880-0074.

The Scottish Rite Valley of Joplin needs your help in preserving our beautiful Scottish Rite Cathedral. And, in helping preserve this piece of American history you could win a brand new Chevy Camaro. Tickets are just $50 each and only two thousand tickets will be offered. There will be cash prizes awarded, as well. For all the details on how you can help us preserve this beautiful building please go to WWW.WIN-CAMARO.COM. or visit and "LIKE" the page at Facebook.com/Win-a-new-Camaro. While you're at it be sure and tell your friends. Thank you very much.

As you can see there's lots of Masonry going on in Missouri. See the links below to keep up with the latest or to submit information for your upcoming meeting.

For more news of upcoming events and special communications visit the Upcoming Masonic Events page on Masonsmart.com

For a calendar of Stated meetings for many of the Lodges and Masonic bodies visit the Masonic Calendar page on Masonsmart.com

For help locating a lodge building visit the Missouri Masonic Lodge Map page on Masonsmart.com

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